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The Cost of Cultural Compromise on South Asian Women

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  PC: Qazi Ikram Haq It is well known and widely acknowledged that South Asian women and those from most cultures, compromise their well-being, boundaries, career, self-care and more so that their families and dependents can thrive. What makes this disturbing that this is not just acknowledged but very widely accepted in nearly all cultures and societies. It is needless to state that most of our societies and cultures are patriarchal but I feel I need to state this again to remind you that women are almost always at the bottom. Since we all know this and many of us accept it, we should also become aware of the cost of compromise on the quality of lives women live. Being a woman, I can tell you my story and what the South Asian culture of compromise has cost me and continues to. I am confident that millions of women and primary care givers can relate to what I have jotted down. At Home My home is my refuge, the safest place where I can exist. It is also a place for compromise even thoug
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Why Do We Still Blame the Victim?

I have no answer to this question but there is one out there. Let me give you some context.  I was recently triggered by a conversation I had with a friend, who recommended that I watch Dancing on the Grave on Amazon Prime Video. The show is a true crime documentary about Shakereh Khaleeli's murder . Along with their recommendation, my friend said “ the decisions that the murdered woman took, led to her murder” . I was intrigued and so, I accepted the recommendation and watched the first episode. Unfortunately, I couldn’t watch the show beyond the first episode and I informed my friend why. I am not sure how other viewers have reacted to the show but from my description, you can see two reactions – firstly one that blames the victim; and secondly, one that triggers someone who has experienced violence in an intimate relationship in a previous life. Victim blaming is very common and has been written about so much that I find it surprising people are still unaware about the in
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RRR – Why Is This Epic Blockbuster Critical to India?

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So, we all know how much money the movie RRR has made and many of us have watched and enjoyed it immensely. I am one of you.  This is not a movie review nor is there need for a spoiler alert. What I want to bring to your attention is why this epic fictional drama is critical in today’s India and why it should be a part of the many discussions on the religious polarisation affecting the country. RRR has been watched across India and across the world. It angers you from the start and stirs your soul and it has one core message - united we win, divided we fall . Where have we heard this before? Possibly when watching or reading the many heart wrenching stories of India’s fight for independence against the British? That is the story of RRR, two freedom fighters, two revolutionaries, who are fighting the British on their own terms. This is special enough. If your heart bleeds at the current religious intolerance being experienced by minorities in India, this movie will make you emot
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Elimination of Violence Against Women Day – 25 November 2021

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  The International Day for Elimination of Violence Against Women  should be one of the most important days of the year for the whole world. Why is this so important? Isn’t the fact that nearly half of the world’s population is either female or born female, enough? This is more than enough, but it isn’t. Women and girls face violence every day in some form or the other. From physical and sexual abuse (which are pandemics on their own), to more invisible forms of violence such as emotional abuse, gaslighting and more, we experience these every day, across the year. There comes a point in each of our lives when we think and say - it is enough and take measures to put a stop to it. This happens when we are empowered to do so. What about those who don’t have the same empowerment or privilege? Can we just say ‘it is what it is’ and turn a blind eye to it – let the victims deal with it the way they have been, so far? No – we cannot and should not. I have experienced violence in the form
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Not a Girl, Not Yet a Woman

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When I was 14-years old, Britney Spears sang “I’m not a girl, not yet a woman” and parts of the lyrics rang true in my life. I was apparently a girl and a woman and this didn't sit well with me. Although it was drilled into my brain by family and society, I knew I was still just a child.  Have you noticed that in most cultures, girls “grow-up” or “mature” faster? How true is this? Do you think this actually happens? Or is this a way for patriarchy to groom girls to be compromising throughout their lives? I believe yes, there is no other reason why we place such a high-pressure expectation on the shoulders of children who just happen to be born female.  The below picture was shared by someone I know. The occasion was Children’s Day  at a school in India. Do you notice the big difference between the two genders represented here? Look closely, how are the boys (on the top) dressed and how are the girls dressed?    My struggle with this picture is that on  Childen's Day, the
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Being an Indian Outside India

  We are popularly known as Non-Resident Indians (NRIs). Immigrating sounds glamorous to most of us Indians and it mostly is. It is an opportunity to upgrade your own life and that of your family, which is why most of us are keen to reach greener pastures. Although the process is stressful, in the end, we do reap the rewards of a more convenient life and access to a higher income. Every immigrant will tell you how wonderful life is in a foreign land. If they don't tell you, you clearly see it in their social media activity. Here is what they don't tell you – life overseas is a big challenge. They don’t tell you the discomfort you feel when you cannot fit into your new social environment. They don't warn you about how much you may end up missing your family or your country. They don’t tell you how the small things that irritated you back home are the things you miss the most. You miss the marigold flowers in your mother’s temple in her kitchen, you miss adding ghee to
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Sanitising a Traumatic School Experience – Yay or Nay?

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  It is true, we all live on nostalgia, and it has kept us going through this pandemic. From getting in touch with old school friends to listening to the music we grew up with, we have all taken advantage of our memories to deal with the difficulties of every day. There are two sides to every coin, and this one has a dark side. As much as I have enjoyed interacting and working with my former school mates during our Covid volunteering efforts, I have also been triggered by the many forwarded messages about going to school in India in the 1990s on WhatsApp. These have played on our nostalgia and have also made us rethink our experiences. Some of them made me go from “aww” to “eww, that’s not how it felt back then”. The common thread between them is that they have all retraumatised me. The below image (one of many such forwards) was sent to me by my mother who was a teacher in my school when I was a student. She even taught me Hindi for three continuous years! My response to her was that
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