You're A Woman, You're Nothing!
I happened to watch the movie Provoked over the weekend. The movie is based on the real life story of Kiranjit Aluwalia. Naveen Andrews, the actor who played the role of her husband uttered these lines, "You're a woman, you're nothing", while abusing his wife. I was reminded of those instances where I was told the very same thing repeatedly.
How did I put up with it and why I still cannot fathom. What upset me more was why I did not write about this before. Was I scared? Was I ashamed? What was I thinking? The movie, though not a great one, put many questions in front of me or rather brought out the questions burning in my heart to lips.
Why do women put up with domestic violence and sexual abuse? Is it because we don't want to shame our families? Is it because we don't like being termed as 'house breakers'? Are we too proud to expose our vulnerability? Or is it because it is so steeped in our so called 'Indian culture' that being abused seems OK? And what makes men, husbands/boyfriends/fathers/brothers/friends or whoever gods over us that they can dare tell us that we are women and we are nothing? What makes them forget that a woman gave birth to them?
Two Sunday's ago, Ps. H.S. Hubert of the Subhvartha channel fame was preaching at Millennium Methodist Hindustani Church. The Pastor didn't speak Hindi that well and as it was a Hindi Church, with all due respect to the Pastor, most people were not listening. I wasn't paying much attention either but he caught my attention when he read out this verse from Ephesians 5 "Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord." (Ephesians 5:22)
The Pastor gave the example of a newly wed bride. He said on the day of the wedding the girl is shy and coy and graceful and one year down the line the same girl turns into a yelling, screaming, frustrated hag. I hated this illustration of the angry woman. I was waiting for the Pastor to continue on the same lines explaining further verses and redeeming the woman. But he didn't. I was almost about to say aloud that maybe the woman turned into the screaming old hag because her husband did not fulfill the later verses which say "In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church." (Ephesians 5: 28-30). Makes sense?
So my point here is that when it is so clearly written in the Bible how come Churches do not do much to help women who are in abusive marriages and relationships? It is true that looks are deceptive. You never know which woman is being abused under that sweet smile at church. It could be the woman sitting next to you or the woman in the first row worshipful with tears or the woman on her knees. It could also be the woman with the arrogant look in her eyes or even your pastor's wife.
How come Churches or the ones I regularly attend fail to see this or do not want to address this evil? It is too controversial and personal they say. Aren't women also made in the image of God? I believe I am and so is every other woman. If yes then why does man say 'you're a woman, you're nothing'?
I pray to God to protect all the women and children who are being abused, I also ask God to grant them the courage to speak up and break free from their shackles. If I could break free, anybody else can.
Comments
Though I do not deny the fact that female is still abused and dominated in few parts of the society but it’s not everywhere.
Even now, there are majority of people who respect women. Women are unequally equal.
Over the decades, women gained a lot of freedom. I would call this un proportionate, the reason being, women were suppressed since centuries and over the decades they gained equal freedom.
And a bitter facts comes in, that not all women are matured enough to exercise their equality and freedom.
Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus. Men can't do a women's job or can't be women. They cannot be as caring/loving as our mother, sister or wife are. Women are the incomparable here.
Here comes the real problem. Women think they can just do whatever men can do. (May be). They are so passionate about proving this that they forget what they are best at, they fail to be mothers, sisters and wives. It is really happening in our society. I’m not saying that women should sit at home, take care of children, cook food, only be a house wife, absolutely not. Apart from enjoying their freedom and equality, they have to deliver their duties which they are meant for.
One incident I would share:
One day, I was travelling in a bus. There were few empty front row seats in the bus, marked for ladies. I noticed no one was there to occupy, I sat down.
Just then in the next stop, a women got in and came by my side and showed me the sign, meant for ladies. With due respect, I got up and occupied the next front row seat which was empty too.
She turned back and showed me the sign again to remind me that men shouldn’t be sitting in the seats allocated to women. Uttering no word, I just stood up and kept standing till I got down.
“Finally I would conclude to say. The society still respects women. The rotten stuff is there on both sides. Women are equal and not all women are matured to understand the responsible freedom and independence they have. And people who understand the difference between rights and privileges, I call them matured”
To be frank, I appreciate your views. Please keep writing.