Not a Girl, Not Yet a Woman

When I was 14-years old, Britney Spears sang “I’m not a girl, not yet a woman” and parts of the lyrics rang true in my life. I was apparently a girl and a woman and this didn't sit well with me. Although it was drilled into my brain by family and society, I knew I was still just a child. 

Have you noticed that in most cultures, girls “grow-up” or “mature” faster? How true is this? Do you think this actually happens? Or is this a way for patriarchy to groom girls to be compromising throughout their lives? I believe yes, there is no other reason why we place such a high-pressure expectation on the shoulders of children who just happen to be born female. 

The below picture was shared by someone I know. The occasion was Children’s Day at a school in India. Do you notice the big difference between the two genders represented here? Look closely, how are the boys (on the top) dressed and how are the girls dressed? 

 

My struggle with this picture is that on Childen's Day, the girls are dressed as women. They are dressed in a sari, which is worn by adult women. This is how paradoxical our communities are. 

As a girl, I was forced to “grow-up” early and everyone expected it to be as easy as pulling a rabbit out of a hat, without any secret tricks. I hit puberty when I was 11 years old and suddenly in a few minutes I went from being a girl to a woman. Gosh what an unasked-for transition that was! I was not allowed to wear skirts or frocks. I was suddenly forced to dress in a “salwar kameez” (again adult women clothing or conservative clothing). I was suddenly a woman but, in my head, and in my body, I was still a 11-year-old girl who was terrified of the changes!  

The whole world, including my family, saw me as a woman at age 11. I was not allowed to go back to being a girl or to forget that I am “matured" – including wearing a bra when there was absolutely no need for it! Can you imagine the stress such a big changes cause to a child? I don’t think you can unless you have lived through it.

Nature has been unfair too. It is an unfortunate truth that as girls grow up, there is ample visual evidence of our bodies changing. This makes us easy targets and victims of sexual assault. We hardly get a chance to understand what is changing in our bodies and how; when we suddenly must process and deal with unwelcome stares, catcalling, groping and worse. These are our ugly truths. Girls are forced to deal with too much, too suddenly and with no support from families or communities.

Keeping these facts in mind, what can we do to help girls transition to womanhood when they are ready for it? Firstly, stop considering and treating young girls as women. Let us stop saying and thinking that girls mature faster than boys. The truth is they don’t. Children should be treated as children and equally so.

As families and communities, we can stop young girls from feeling bad about their bodies by having conversations that tells them their changing bodies are normal. To do this, it is necessary to talk openly about menstruation (with both girls and boys) because only when girls know their bodies, can they care for them and accept themselves. 

Many more things can be done to normalise the changing bodies of girls, but mostly can we stop forcing them to dress differently, older and mature? Instead of telling them how to behave, dress and be, can we let them make these choices for themselves?

Are we brave enough to make life easier for girls? Why not make a start at home, schools and communities? 

Treat girls as girls, not as women.